I don't even have to wear black to look Goth. Black is not just a color, it's a lifestyle.

Searching for our shelter, we enter immortal tombs. The darkness surrounds me almost in contentment. I would rest if my twisted thoughts didn't keep me from slumber. Tears of blood run down my face I rub the silver cross hanging on my chest, not for any beliefs just thinking of better times. Times the sun didn't hurt my eyes, times I still felt remorse. Innocent blood spilled every night. Swathed in the evening's ebony aura. Why does my love cause me so much pain? I am strong. I am a creature of the night! Pitifully weeping for the wretched bastard who took my humanity. I refuse to sustain my bawling, fear and weakness I will not show. I try in vain for the sleep I need. We will rise again tomorrow at dusk. Not because we must, another myth, it is simply that the moon is so much more erotic and the twilight is so freeing. I can sense Fallamhain restlessness nearby. I wonder what keeps him up? I wish to search his mind, but I control myself. He would be quite angered if I did. My mind keeps twirling around thoughts and eventually I drift off to sleep but my mind doesn't rest with my body.

It was chilly. Not enough to make me shiver, but the good kind. The kind that keeps you alert and awake. Everything was so detailed, from the lines on the leaves to each glimmer on each blade of grass from the dew forming. It was so realistic; I could never forget anything about that night. The night I lost my innocence for an immortal existence, not only that but I truly lost my innocence fore thy beloved Fallamhain was an incubus. I ran through the woods my heart racing with excitement, and anxiousness. This was it I thought, I was incredibly nervous. I could feel my stomach in butterflies. I felt so sick, but couldn't wait! Here I was defying my parents, I had always been a bit rebellious for the time period, but something like this was unheard of in civilized circles. How I hated the secrecy of everything. All the scandals that went on, and the gossip yet nothing was ever really out in the open. But time to concentrate on the matter at hand,, criticizing society could come later. I came to a clearing. he should be here. Oh well I figured He was worth waiting for. I had only met Fallahmain about a week before hand. He was new to town and all the women were after him. He was about 6 foot, which was quite impressive for the time. His shoulder length black hair framed a handsome face. Such a contrast to the light ash blonde of my own. His eyes. That is what caught me at first. Staring into them was like staring into a soul beyond words, time, and any human emotion. What color where they? I don't even know, it was like every colour of the rainbow yet I couldn't identify one. He was perfect. He was above all. And tonight he would be mine. Don't get me wrong I was a girl of morals, brought up as a god-fearing resident of Rollinsford, New Hampshire. I had never done anything close to this before, but then again I had never met a young man such as Fallahmain before. I could hear the leaves rustle. I could hear my heart beating unsteadily and pounding in my chest. Out he came. I held my breath for a second; he looked better then ever like a heavenly being was emerging from those bushes not the new local boy. He wasn't a boy though, he was a man. Even at age 17 he already carried himself so well. This is the man, I thought to myself; I shall spend the rest of my life with. I smiled hardly able to contain my excitement.
"My love, I hope you weren't waiting long out here in the cold by yourself?" he said in a worried tone. "Hah, I don't think the cold will be a problem much longer" my provocative tone surprised even me. I stared into his eyes and the world outside of the two of us lost all meaning. At this point I would do anything for my darling,, anything at all. I had a rush of dizziness and fell into his arms as we kissed under the starless sky. I gasped for breath in the cold night air. Yes, I lost my innocence all right, to a total stranger.
"We," his voice rich even though his breathing was still a bit labored, "are connected now. But I love you with all my heart and wish to be with you forever. Do you feel the same?"
"Of course, a life without you is impossible to even imagine." Turning his head to me we looked at each other as he tilted my head back I lay there not thinking a thing. I could feel the word relax, sleep being pushed into my mind as if some unnatural force was there. I did what it said. Even as I glanced up to see his glorious fangs glinting from the moon's reflection I did not get up. I couldn't, inside I was scared out of my mind but my body just lay there defenseless. He drank my life. I kept trying to speak, say what was on my mind and only when he was done could I get the words out. "You feed on my hunger. Heal on my pain. Ah I am such a tortured soul, wanting you in vain. I strive for your desire, yearn for thy lust. You draw what you can from me, take what you must. I covet you greatly, my soul is thine. Your kiss sends webs of darkness crawling up my spine." The logical part of my brain wanted to fight such a great monster, but I just couldn't bring myself to lift a hand against him. Something was holding me to him, I just wanted to be with him forever. He took his fingernail and made a thin slit across his fair wrist as the blood ran down, it was like I knew what to do. Lifting my head a bit I latched on. And drank, once again drinking my life away.
"Eternal craving you bequeath unto me. We are one being now sharing a pulse, a nocturnal pulse."
And thirst for warm blood, like wine from the moon. He brings me a deer from the forest it is indescribable ecstasy.
Wanting, needing, forcing myself to feed. The scarlet energy rolls down my tongue. Dripping off my fangs. Such intoxicating a scent I can no longer control, my madness is seizing. If there was such a god I would be transported to heaven. As soon as prey dies though. I feel loneliness again. You care for me not, I think, wanting only a partner, what I feel for you can only grow stronger.
Intensity waning as the sun rises above. I can still never obtain all of your love. I can feel it. He wants me not. Then I awaken.

My dream of that night is often the same. Why? I ask myself, Why didn't I fight? If I knew then what I know now I surely would of. I thought he really did love me, I thought I was special and this would be the only way. But it wasn't it was horrible and demonic. As for those morals, long gone. I am from there line now a succubus as well. It is not the only way we feed, that would take way to long. It is just an added bonus here and there. You bring them up to heaven and then after a climax you drag them down to your own hell. I have been around long enough now that I feel there is no god, I would call myself one of Satan's horrible creatures but he doesn't exist either. I have no fledglings of my own though. I would never be so cruel. He used his powers of seduction to make me one of them. Not just kill me like the rest, I still don't know why. I wouldn't make someone think I love them that much so that they give up their mortal soul for eternal damnation so that I can just toss them aside. I shouldn't complain,, Fallahmain is good to me. But I don't need just a killing partner I need his love. For almost 300 years I have wanted it. I can feel the moon's hypnotic power, come to me child you are mine rise and be free! I step outside into the crisp night air. Sighing, which is often difficult if you have no breath such as I.
"Hey babe ready for another night destruction?" he says jokingly coming up behind me. "Don't you ever get bored," I ask.
"The same thing every night, we never have any fun. Lets make things interesting."
"And how do you propose we do that?"
"I don't know, I am just so sick and tired of the same thing. I hate this you know I do. I hate this life, my entire existence is meaningless."
"We have spoken of this Asthore. I will not have you continue on in such manner."
"Well tis your fault, how can I not blame you? I hate this and you know it."
"Stop punishing me. I made you SOMETHING. Humans are nothing; they are just there for our energy and amusement. You should thank me."
"Something indeed. Spending my life getting laid and sucking blood every night" I sarcastically comment
"Sounds good to me," he says with that adorable smile on his face I cannot resist, "now come lets go I tire of just standing around." He turned and starting walking not waiting for me to reply.
How I hate his insolence, I would have killed myself except I would miss him too much. I am so torn apart. Following him down the street I just stare at him. He really hasn't changed much at all. He is cloaked in all black from his leather pants and tall boots to the raven hair atop his head. He isn't just moving forward anymore, he has a purpose staring straight ahead. Walking quickly to catch up I ask why we aren't flying. Why should you when you could be moving freely through the sky, feeling the wind cool against your skin? It is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world. I look ahead and no longer need an answer. I see her. Cursing under his breath Fallahmain tells me to stay back, "She is here" he whispers, "the evil one is here."

"Awww why Fallahmain what took you so long. I see you have dragged this little bitch along once again."
"What are you doing here Ernesta?" Fallahmain's voice was as cold as steel and if our line was granted the power of telekinesis she would be dead on the spot.
Ernesta was his mother. His immortal mother that is, though quite attractive on the outside she was horrible inside and I hated her. Not only for what she did to my beloved, but that fact that I knew he still loved her. Her and not me. Hah it seems like the same thing happened to him except in his case she really did just toss him aside. I have met her before and she is cruel she has betrayed Fallahmain before and for that she will never be forgiven.
"Don't talk of Asthore like that, and who is that hiding behind you. A new one for you to destroy?"
"Gee Fallahmain, didn't know you were the jealous type."
I wanted to slap the condescending smile off of her beautiful face. My hate for her grows stronger every time we meet.
"This is Avery, and he is a human. Touch him and I will kill your little whore."
I just sat there staring. As hard as it was I watched my tongue, I knew she was way more powerful than I and I didn't want to cause any more trouble then there already was.
"Just hurry up," Fallahmain insisted. "What do you want?"
"Oh I am merely here to chat, catch up on old times" she replied innocently. "What? You don't trust me; think I have some hidden agenda? Honestly Fallahmain can't we just. get over the past. I've been missing you so much"
She rubbed his chest as she said this, I could see right through her. Coming on to him like this, it was beyond evil, didn't she know how much she hurt him? Couldn't she see? And the thing was she could, this is why I hated her. He just stood there I know his heart must be racing, every seductive glance, every touch cut into my heart like shards of glass.
"Come darling, lets find a place to be alone and uh. talk" She whispered so close that her lips were barely touching his as she said this. I could feel the tear run down my cheek. I turned and ran. I expected him to run after me or at least call my name, but he was to enthralled with her. After everything she's done, which we shall get into at a later time. He hates her, but he loves her. So I cry. 300 years, 300 fucking years. I let them run now. My tears I hate even them! They are not salty like humans they are blood. Blood I stole from others. Why, why can't I die? I sit on the curb sobbing. No one comes for me. No mysterious hand on my shoulder ready to save me and whisk me away from my own personal hell. No I am stuck. I have been stuck forever. How many nights have I wept over him? Over all of it, yet nothing ever changes. I should love what I am, immortal, able to fly, able to get any guy. Yeah any guy except the one I want. All right enough complaining. For the rest of the night I just kind of walk around. I don't want to think about what that evil bitch is doing to my dear Fallahmain. But I almost can't keep it out of my mind.

Fallahmain didn't mention her. A week had passed and he never said a word. I wanted so much to ask, to know. But he would have surely would have stormed off in anger had I tried. She was not a topic of conversation either of us enjoyed. He knew I was slightly pissed though. he tried to make up for it. "I brought you a surprise!"
"Oh? What is it?" I asked unenthusiastically.
He dragged in a mortal. "All ready for your enjoyment, you don't even have to go out!"
"But most of the fun is the chase."
Fallahmain sighed. "When will this stop, I am sorry. You just. you just don't understand what it is like!"
"HAH! I don't understand? ME. You don't think I know what its like to be unable to resist someone? Even though you resent them SO much you would still do anything for them? How can you be so asinine as to actually believe that?"
"Oh shit, come on Asthore! You have been acting crazy all week. I know she upsets you but really why is it so hard for you to get over?"
I was laughing and crying at the same time.
"You don't know. You really don't know that I still. I." I choked on the words. "Look, I'll be back. I need to go out for something and. we both need to cool down." I left him standing there with his prey.

I ran. I ran faster then I ever had before. I would never come back. I couldn't take the pain anymore. The farther I am from him the less I will think I about him. I kept telling myself it'd be ok; I could make it on my own. But I didn't really believe it. I was nothing without Him. I kept going until I couldn't any more. Eventually I fell asleep in a dark alley.

"Come on." A voice purred into my ear. "Wake up."
I opened my eyes to see Ernesta's face staring back. "Really child laying in the gutter like this is hardly the way to make a good impression."
"What are you doing here?" my voice a mixture of surprise and caution.
"I want to help you. Finally you have showed some sort of brain activity by leaving him. Honestly you pine away for a man who obviously doesn't want you. Its pathetic really."
"Then why do you keep going back to him?"
"Hah! Please, he is merely for my amusement. He is just as pitiful as you my dear. And I do so enjoy how he is mesmerized by me." She said grinning. "Now stop it! Wipe that somber look off of your face. So I fucked him? Who cares! You shouldn't. He is not all that good in bed and it's just sex anyway."
"Look, I don't really understand your full nature for being here, but it certainly isn't helping. Please just leave." I didn't even attempt to keep the annoyance out of my voice.
"Fine, will do. I shall leave you here wallowing in your own self-pity. I just thought you would want revenge." Ernesta sighed she could tell I was on the verge of tears. " Alright I can at least make him want you. But it is your choice. Later"
Now this peaked my interest. "Wait! What. do I have to do?"
"Hahaha I knew you'd see things my way. You don't have to do a damn thing just follow, and leave it up to me. Oh! And stop that god awful crying I despise it so, learn how to be strong on your own. You are so miserable it's utterly despicable. Now let's go." Burgundy lips smiling and flipping her platinum blonde hair over her shoulder she strode off.

I didn't follow. I couldn't. He could never want me. Even a blonde devil such as her couldn't help. I felt a tap on my shoulder pivoting I saw a girl, about 14 years of age and deep auburn hair surrounding small shoulders. "Please miss, make me one of you." I was shocked, how did she know?
"Have you been watching me?" My anger rose, whom did she think she was coming up to me requesting such a gift. "Maybe I should kill you for asking such a thing."
"No, please. I want you, I want to BE you."
. I chuckled in response. "Child, no one wants to be a creature as pitiful as myself. Now go away now before I slice your flesh open and lap up the blood that drains."
"But. you are beautiful. I have seen what you are and I want to accompany you. My life means nothing. Kill me if you wish, I will certainly kill myself anyways. My only salvation from eternal suffering would be the immortality you could bestow upon me."
"HAH! Salvation? Is that what you want? Trust me child, you will be better off with a knife at your wrist."
"I want the fangs at my neck now do it!"
My mouth hung open. What an insolent disrespectful being, attempting to order me around. The tone in her voice showed me she wasn't afraid of anything I would do to her anyways.
"And why exactly would I want to do this?"
"Oh come on. You need a fledgling. Stop thinking about that guy and immerse yourself in a prodigy of your own." That I did. For such a small girl, she sure took a lot out of me.
"I want some more."
"There will be time for that later, you already have enough to make the transformation complete."

The next 13 years were spent teaching her all the ways of the night. I loved my darling Rose. Such a beauty she was, and I spent every waking moment making my daughter happy. She kept my mind off of Fallahmain. but there were still mornings I cried myself to sleep. Everything was wonderful besides that though. I was thoroughly engrossed with her. I loved her with all my heart, and that love was returned 3 fold. Yes, it was all perfect. until the day my world crashed down again.

I awoke with a cold sweat; I couldn't feel my daughter's aura. Maybe she stepped out? Yes, that must be it I convinced myself. She would never leave without telling me though. Rising up I sniffed the air. what was that familiar scent. ERNESTA! I started to panic. No, I thought, NO! If she touches her there will certainly be hell to pay. I was getting dizzy. SHE TAKES THE ONE I LOVE AGAIN! That evil bitch shall taste my wrath. I immediately follow the scent. I am more focused then ever before. I run into an old abandoned warehouse. Inside it is dark and musty. The whole place reeks of rotting flesh. I have no doubt many a prisoner of hers has been left for dead in here.
"Ah, I knew you would arrive soon enough!"
A voice shouts from the dark rafters above. A low-pitched growl escapes my throat.
"You couldn't give her the guidance she needs. Look at you." A boisterous laugh leaves her dainty lips. "She will be just as weak as you."
"What have you done with her? What will you do?"
"She is safe, for now. Either I will keep her as my own and actually make something of her. Or at my will she will be disposed of. I haven't decided which."
"W...why would you do this to me?"
"The pure pleasure it gives me to watch you suffer. I tried to help and you just didn't give enough effort, you are nothing. And you deserve all the pain you get Asthore. You are nothing more than a feeble little worm whose time I would rather not bother myself with. She is mine now. Give up. You always do in the end anyway. You loved him so much? Then why didn't you go after him?"
" You told me not to!"
"I didn't think he was worth anything. In fact he isn't. But if I loved someone so much I would stop at nothing until I got them. Now of course that would never happen to me. I mean c'mon, I am irresistible." A snotty smile covered the flawless face. "Anything I want, I get."
"Damn you Ernesta, never shall you be forgiven for this sin. I will find her, I will get him and together we shall make YOU suffer!"
With that resolution I was off. I could hear her hysterical laughter behind me, I paid it no heed though. This time I followed Rose's scent.

Approaching a graveyard I could hear a faint trickle. Rose's aura was stronger than ever, I knew she must be here. Stepping amongst the graves I made my way to the Mausoleum. My boots clacking against the ground I entered. A wave of rotting flesh and the potent smell of death came over me. I started to get nauseous. My poor daughter was stuck in here. Walking a little farther, I saw her around the corner. Rounding it I could see blood dripping from an open wound on her arm onto the stone floor. Her head was down, but I could see the gag and the ropes around her wrists. Why hadn't she just escaped? Seeing my daughter look so weak and helpless broke my heart. Suddenly a strong grip was around my neck. I could feel the heavy breathing of no doubt one of Ernesta's minions, a vampire who was much stronger than I. I wasn't a trained fighter; Fallahmain had usually done that stuff. I mean don't get me wrong I certainly could hold my own, especially against a human. But this guy was huge and Ernesta only used the best.

I felt a pair of lips brush the back of my neck.
"Let her go." A soft voice said.
I couldn't move. I recognized that voice it was Fallahmain. I then heard Ernesta's obnoxious voice.
"Oh, woops! Did I forget to tell you the best part? Oh well no matter, I will just tell you now. Fallahmain and I have rekindled our little friendship. Especially after you left, he missed you a bit but it was nothing I couldn't take care of."
Turning I saw his face, I wanted to say something but the words caught in my throat. I hadn't seen him in years; he was of course still the same, lovely as ever. I didn't know what to do. My first reaction was to run up and hold him in my arms, but then I wanted to murder him. He was working with her, back with Ernesta. He helped betray me no doubt, and I could never be with him again as long as she was around. I was just standing there with my mouth open.
"F...Fallahmain." I barely got it out.
His eyes were cold, I had never seen him like this. She changed him. But oh how I still wanted him.
"Please, take me back. you me and Rose we can be happy together. Like a little family."
"Hah! I'm sorry but I can't keep from chuckling, you actually want me to go with you? And leave my beautiful Ernesta. for you?" Laughing he shook his head. "She is right you are nothing, and to think I actually missed you. Actually wanted to search for you. And for a moment I even thought I loved you, and had to find you. Night after night I searched. 'Oh no! I made a mistake!'" he laughed some more "'She is all I really need!' But then Ernesta found me, and made me see how wrong I had been. I couldn't love you. You are nothing. And you have always been nothing".
Weeping I fell to my knees, this was too much. First seeing my poor daughter all tied up, then hearing this.
"I know! Dear god I know I am nothing, please I love you."
"This is way to much fun!" Ernesta cut in smiling. "I know what to do next. Minions go and hold her! You wretched little bitch, you think you know pain? Why not watch your poor dear suffer some more?"
"What are you going to--" One of the men put his arm in front of my mouth.
"No stop," Ernesta ordered. " I want to hear her shriek"
"You are truly wicked." I said through gritted teeth.
"Haha, did you except any different?"
I didn't answer. They held me fast and I couldn't move. I watched her walk up to Rose, my fear rose what would she do? Ernesta pulled out a long silver instrument. She walked behind rose and grabbed her hair pulling her head back. Removing the gag she stuck her hand in her mouth grabbing her top row of teeth.
"Get ready to scream bitch!" She took whatever was in her hand and latched onto her left fang.
"Nooo!" I yelled, "You can't! She won't be able to feed!" Evil laughter came from Ernesta. "Fallahmain, you can't let her do this, please."
"Hush!" he commanded.
"God please, my love don't let her, don't let her. You said you thought you made a mistake. You said that you felt you loved me and she stopped you. Its not real, you CAN love me it is all just an illusion she put up. She doesn't care about anyone. please. I can. no I will give you anything. You deserve the best, She is shit compared to you. I'm not worthy of you but I would NEVER hurt you, never do anything against you. God Fallahmain I beg you, help me and leave her."
"Quiet you little Harlot, stop talking to him!" Ernesta shouted.
"No, NO!" I started shaking. With one quick yank she pulled out her fang. Rose yelped. Blood started pouring out through her lips. And she was crying, the blood from her eyes mixed with that from her mouth.
"NOOOO!" my anguished cry combined with Rose's screams of pain. She jerked her head back again.
"God, stop, please Fallahmain!" He ran towards her and tried to grab Ernesta's arm.
"God?" she asked smirking, "where is your fucking savior now!" And with another violent twist she wrenched the other one out of her gums."
"OH GOD!" I screamed. Rose's head dangled down, she was running out of blood and without her fangs how could she feed? Fallahmain slapped Ernesta and rushed to my side. Holding me, we rocked back and forth.
"Asthore, I...I am so sorry. Don't worry we can help her. You know, knives draw blood and until she gains enough strength to do so on her own we can get blood for her, and feed it to her."
"What kind of life for a vampire is that, needing a blade to do a fangs job? It is too late anyway."
"I tried. I couldn't stop her."
"You didn't try, you didn't do anything! You ran to late, you shouldn't have been to late. I truly hate you for letting her do this. I hate you for everything!" I let it all out. "All these years all I wanted was you!" I continued screaming as the tears blurred my vision. "I've cried so many nights! I would have given anything for you, anything. I gave you everything, my heart, my soul, my body. You hurt me more than you could ever imagine. I thought. you loved me." My voice slowly got softer, "I thought you wanted me. But you didn't. You were just lonely, well I've been lonely for over 300 years."
"I do love you! I know it is no excuse but she blinded me."
"Come my darling, leave this pitiful wreck to herself" Ernesta said.
"Oh my beautiful, precious liar. I will never follow you again. My heart belongs to Asthore, it has always been there and I never saw it."
"You must be joking me. You're leaving me for her! This is SUCH a load of shit, whatever I am out. Fuck you guys, I am leaving."
"Ernesta wait a second." I said quickly, "You forgot something."
"Oh?"
I went right up to her. "Oh yes". Taking my nails I forced them through her skin, into her chest. She lurched forward gagging. I grabbed her heart and pulled it out. "This is for breaking mine!" And I gripped it hard and fast. I shoved it in her face and watched her drop to the ground. I ran over to Rose, who was long gone. I grabbed her lifeless body and took it to our lair, Fallahmain following close behind. I didn't cry anymore. I had run out of tears.
"Will you bury her?" he asked.
"No, she is to beautiful to have maggots and such crawling over her."
"Then what are you to do?"
"I shall burn her, and throw her ashes in the wind over the garden out back. My sweet and delicate rose, forever to be with the flowers that match her beauty."

"I am so sorry Asthore."

"I know you are, I know." My voice was sober.

Ernesta was dead. Fallahmain and I could finally be in peace. Our love was never to be broken, and though I missed my darling daughter, it was how things were meant to be. We stayed in the same place, and when I go out and sit in the garden and can still hear the soft whispers of the past, my memories. I rub the silver cross hanging at my chest. Thinking of better times. Times the sun didn't hurt my eyes. Times I still felt remorse. So much innocent blood spilled.

I don't even have to wear black to look Goth. Black is not just a color, it's a lifestyle.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

akala mo..

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

MY PLAYLIST....

Friday, May 30, 2008

-_MASK_-

_-ALONE-_

Monday, March 10, 2008

I DONT KNOW!!!!!

INNOCENT BLOOD

Friday, March 7, 2008

MY LIFE...

ME...

About Me

y is dat everybody wants to live a long life but nobody wants to get old??..